…dearly loved playmate and sentient being
The fifteen year old four legged furry sentient princess with preferences passed yesterday, looking into the dharma wanderer’s eyes as he held her in his arms. Her suffering had been short but intense as the mast cell cancer spread rapidly throughout her small body. First came the anesthesia, then the injection that would end her visible presence. Her movements that communicated playfulness, feigned aggression, attachment to the dakini dancer who regularly fed and walked her, all this ended with that second injection.
An urn of her remains will be placed on our bedroom fireplace mantle, a reminder of morning and nighttime ritual massages, as well as her after dinner aggressive playfulness. For the last year or so she had begun to answer the dharma wanderer’s loving massages with exhaled murmurs of communication, not unlike his own morning chants over his breakfast bowl. She would tilt her head toward his, gaze steadfastly into his eyes and send her own appreciative mutterings into his being. Sometimes she would shift from one side to the other, enabling him to better deliver a more comprehensive and gently penetrating massage.
The standard after dinner process included placement of her thick cushioned bed between the dharma wanderer and his open hearted life-mate. They each watched movies or read, while occasionally rubbing Amy as they enjoyed and appreciated her presence and companionship.
During the day she occasionally positioned herself half in and half out of her kitchen bed, grabbing at her play toys, pawing them to send a behavioral request, “play with me!” The dharma wanderer engaged this delightful opportunity by grabbing one of her toys. He then moved quickly to the opening of the dakini dancer’s mirrored studio adjacent to the kitchen and tossed the toy into the room. Amy would run fast chasing the toy as it slid more deeply into the room. With her ears flopping like wings, she would slide on the wooden floor as she grabbed the toy with her teeth.
Then she would turn and move her feet rapidly back forth, like automobile tires burning rubber when the accelerator is pressed to the max from a stationary position. Finally her paws would establish traction and she would run with flopping ears to her bed with the toy in her mouth, waiting for him to engage her. He would feint a grab one way, then another, with Amy aggressively barking and growling, showing her teeth, daring him to steal her toy. He teeth could graze his fingers but never break the skin. Even though she could not see or hear well, she never hurt her playful companion.
They repeated this process multiple times until Amy tired and communicated she had enough, with loud panting and a big grin. This was the dharma wanderer’s delightful process for engaging Amy in interval exercise to extend her longevity. This intention seemed effective until the mast cell cancer apparently spread from her ear to a nearby lymph node and then throughout her body.
On Amy’s last day, Father’s Day June 16 2024, seated beside her kitchen bed, he chanted Drukmo Gyal’s Five Element Healing over and over in an effort to soothe her suffering. With closed eyes, he visualized light from his heart encircling her. When his life-mate returned from her dance practice, she saw that Amy’s head was raised staring at the one who sang the heartfelt healing chants.
Shortly after that his better half realized the depth of Amy’s suffering and insisted they take her to the emergency vet clinic. It was there that a sensitive vet informed them both of the rapid progression of Amy’s disease and the severity of her suffering. Both loving parents tearfully agreed to the end of life process for their dearly loved family member.
After notifying a few friends about Amy’s passing a dear sensitive dog lover friend sent consolation in a text message with reference to grief and reflections. The dharma wanderer wondered about the term grief.
“Is not grief the other side of memories?” he asked his life-mate.
Friends and relatives will sometimes share on social media how much they miss their parents who have passed. He wondered about their word choices: missing versus remembering. The thought arose in his awareness:
Rather than an aching heart for the physical presence of the departed family member, might we instead substitute cherished memories? Can what had been apparently lost then be momentarily regained?
Exploring this question can be a meaningful step in a deepening inquiry into the nature of mind. How might we mentally frame a loss? How can we cope with our attachment to our loved ones who have dropped their body? Is it possible to recall an image of them and will they then be with us, sharing our conscious awareness in a memorable moment?
Remembering cherished activities with them, we can observe such a penetration of our awareness. Sending them love from our hearts that have re-opened to their memory can enable their return to us. These can become special brief moments, captured and then dissolved, only to be recaptured again through the memory of our hearts and minds.
It seems possible our hearts and minds can bring the presence of our loved ones back into our emotional space. In such moments chills may course through our body. We may feel the presence of one who has dropped their body but their heart warming presence is available for our call, an emotional beckoning through memorable visualization.
The sentient being Amy has been a loving teacher to both the dharma wanderer and his dancing life-mate. She has kept our hearts open, given us delightful experiences and showered us with unconditional love. These memories will reside within us for the duration of our lives as we continue our own life journeys.
Amy made a loving impression on all who had meaningful contact with her. These messages arrived from friends after their receipt of notice about her passing:
- [from a hiking friend] …the lively and lovely Amy is gone forever. I feel as sad as you do. She is swaying in front of my eyes and cannot be shaken off. She accompanied you for fifteen years and had a wonderful life as both of you have had. You should feel comforted. May she rest in peace!
- [from a fellow MBA student and friend] I am so so sorry to hear [about Amy’s passing]. It was the right decision. She lived a good life and well loved life. There’s no point in letting her suffer; so wonderful that she passed in your arms. Now, she’s free of pain and her memories will always be with you and be immortal. Love you lots.
- [from Amy’s caregiver when we travelled] Oh my love. I am so sad to hear you had to let her go. I love you very much and wish for you as peaceful a transition as possible. She gave you so much…. Thank you for trusting her with us. I’m hugging you in my mind. Loving was made better with her in our world.
- [from Amy’s beauty parlor groomer] …thank you so much for updating me. I am heartbroken to hear the news. I’m so sorry for your loss. I cared for Amy dearly and appreciate you bringing her to me all of this time to pamper her. She was always so happy and cuddly. I’ll miss her here. It’s the hardest part of this job, but I am fortunate to have had her in my life as long as I did. ❤️
We have not lost Amy. May there be little to no grief. What remains are cherished memories. We have gained an open heart. As we continue to experience how heart and mind are connected, may we glean wisdom about who and what we actually are, what is actually important, and how to deepen our understanding of the life journey we are traveling.
May it be so!
🙏💕🌎
ib